Thursday, September 23, 2010

8.(8-10) More Sex! Petting/Oral/Coitus

Physician's Notebooks 8 - - See Homepage

This 29 December 2018 update is chapters 8 Petting, 9 Oral Sex and 10 Coitus in scroll-down order. Then End Notes which include a particular joy of coitus; flirting, propositioning, sexting and sekuhara in Japan; and revenge porn.

8. Petting (pre-coital embracing and kissing)
Almost everyone has petted. For men its object is a route to coitus (Latin word for sexual intercourse, penis in vagina; best pronounced like coh-eetus); for a woman it may be a way to become popular or a safe way to get orgasms with a partner she does not know well enough for coitus.
   The male sexual psychology is, as in the song from the 1946 Broadway musical Annie Get Your Gun, A man may be hot but he’s not when he’s shot. In my youth I dated a girl who told me her mother instructed her to pet the boy to orgasm to prevent him from doing coitus. She ended up the most experienced virgin ever to make her marriage vows. In USA, too many young women today buy the line that says “In order to be a popular modern girl it is necessary to accept coitus quickly on early dating.” Had the girl listened to better advice, she would have the same frequency of orgasm via petting as she has now but without the unnecessary, sometimes risky coitus.  
   An orgasm is an orgasm whether by coitus, cunnilingus or masturbation, but once you lose your virginity, Girl, it’s for life! And in return you may get HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, unwanted pregnancy, and divorce after wife-beating or other abuse.

9. Oral Sex
Taking penis in mouth is fellatio. Cunt licking is cunnilingus. In both, the active one is said to give head. Fellatio is an act of submission on the part of the fellator and of superiority by the fellatee with not unpleasant elements of masochism and sadism. The thrill for the fellator is knowing she (or he) is giving what is considered a perverse pleasure and performing an act of submissive love to the fellatee. The thrills of being fellated are dulled by repetition. Men whose wives fellate them regularly get to use it as warm-up stimulation and lubrication for coitus.
   The psychology of one who gives head either in fellatio or cunnilingus comes from the thought that she or he, although receiving no direct pleasure from the act, is selflessly giving sexual pleasure of a perverse type and also near ecstatic for first time. Some women or men become fixated on giving head, never tire of it, like to do it to groups of fellatees at a time, and will even do it homosexually though they are not usually so. Some women use fellatio to avoid coitus.
   In recent past, oral sex was thought a male perversion but the data show it is normal in sex play. Concerning risk, the fellator is exposed to HIV in semen, syphilis from skin ulcer, throat gonorrhea from infected genital secretion, and herpes simplex virus. But the transmission rate is lower in mouth than receiving in vagina or rectum. The fellatee can catch gonorrhea and syphilis from a throat and mouth infected fellator. Cunnilingus and fellatio are part of happy sex – not the main part but icing on the cake that one eats with pleasure.

10. Coitus
It is important for all who will be coital to know that a woman is born with a hymen, aka "maidenhead" , a skin-like membrane with less than pinkie finger size central opening. It is inside the vulva, not in view, and blocks entrance into the vagina, sometimes causing first coitus to be painful like a knife, and occasionally, bloody, for an unprepared virgin.
   Women have much to lose and little to gain by uncritically giving themselves in coitus based on an idea it will promote popularity and happiness. The words of Lord Chesterfield to his godson concerning coitus, “The pleasure is fleeting, the position ridiculous, and the cost damnable,”  had better been to his goddaughter and to other on-the-verge virgins. Unwanted, pregnancy, sexual disease, and destructive relationship with a bad man is what one gets from uncritical coitus. (Cf. the song lyric What do you get when you fall in love-Burt ... - YouTube click on it now with earphones on)
  Coitus, in my opinion, ought to be reserved for the one special person or the few who are right for you. Coitus can be deeply satisfying but for merely recreation, or to just assuage boredom or to tranquilize, better to do a solitary, masturbation.
   In Japan, among Millennials, a coital relationship may be either of  2 types: so called "one night stand", a less serious connection obviously; and the other a "steady boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship.
   Finally, coitus without condom may be more pleasure-full for a woman. 
Compared to the US, it seems the young men and women in Japan tend to discuss ahead of time what they want to do.

End Note 1:
I wish to add my personal observation about a particular joy of coitus I experienced. Of course it is me, a man, and it is heterosexual, and it is very biological and, obviously not universally applicable. Also it is impersonal - not related to a particular partner and, I guess, a feeling any man might get with any woman. When I got it, it began just as my moment of orgasm approached and peaked with ejaculation or coming into my woman. It is a feeling of supreme love for Her, related, I guess to Her giving me the gift of joy I am experiencing.  Also it has a biological element of feeling I may be giving Her a baby (or, more mutually, we may be making a new person together). I do not wish to overdo or suggest it is the most authentic coital experience but it was so deeply gratifying when it occurred and left me so humble and loving toward my partner that I feel it worth mentioning. I like to think it is not just me but it is a human (and maybe even mammalian or universal animal) experience.

Endnote 2:
Flirting, Propositioning, Sexting, Sexual Harassment (In Japanese Sekuhara)
Flirting is the obvious (and sometimes un-obvious) exhibition of a sign that one person is open to sexual involvement with another. It is a natural part of the mating game. Women usually are more obvious than men. When it becomes overt it lapses into frank propositioning, more often done by men. 
Sexting  is the use of cell phone (iPhone and other smart phone) texting with obvious sexual innuendo or intent. It is almost always used by a man to a woman he is not yet intimate with. It is stressful and irritating and in this day of laws against sexual harassment it may even be illegal. Sexting is actually a form of telephone masturbation that at its least is a very bad habit and at its worst could be considered stalking.
Finally sexual harassment in 2018 is any unwanted or unexpected sexual propositioning, almost always by a man to a woman he either does not not know well or has not been in a sexual relationship with (ie, a coworker; but also practiced by homosexuals on same sex). This is a relatively new area that most men need to learn more about and to control themselves against. 
Revenge Porn & Personal Sex Photo/Movies 
"Revenge Porn" means the use of sexually explicit photos or movies that one lover takes of, or for, another partner which then gets used later for bad purpose like embarrassing, harming, getting a revenge, or forcing a sexual relation on an old, previous sex partner. Revenge porn is a development of the practice of one lover taking photos of his/her partner to stimulate his own desire or to use with the another woman/man, ie, it is usually done by a man. I recall back in the 1960s when Polaroid (self picture developing cameras) came out, I and probably another several thousand fellows had a brilliant idea of taking pictures of oneself and a sex partner: in my case, my wife. These were the days before Revenge porn. The idea of these pictures, was that they were terrifically stimulating, as far as I know, to men, mainly to get self-stimulation or even to show to other women who might become lovers. As technology advanced, the digital photography has allowed us to take photos and movies with sound that do not need to be processed by a third party and therefore are ideal for personal porn and have become the materials for so-called Revenge porn. It should be mentioned that these types of porn are not simply used for revenge; it has happened that these photos or movies are made without the consent or knowledge of a sex partner and even have been made by a third party. The point of the story is that today we all should be very, very careful about allowing ourselves to be photographed sexually by even closest partners, families or whatever. The initial motive for the filming may be benign. But years later, maybe, the motives may change and with a divorce, anger or even jealousy, these porn films can be used badly.  

END OF Section. To read on next now, click 8.11 Gay!: To Be or Not?

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